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Me: Watch me get my ass kicked by it’s own mind.
Poppy: I’m not that bad, now what do you want?
Me: Give me my aggression! D: Please!!
Poppy: I already told, you can’t handle it. You’re too soft. Ask Ben, he might have something for you.
Benjamin: I do not.
Me: C’mon, guys! Aren’t you afraid of what might happen at the party on Thursday? Aren’t you paranoid?
Benjamin: Since I am merely a figment of your imagination, I have nothing to fear of what happens to you.
Poppy: Same. [Nod.]
Me: You both suck. Why did I come up with you guys, anyways?
Benjamin: I believe you made with hopes of becoming a person that reflects us. Poppy is the more assertive, aggressive version of you, and I am the more the intellectually, and spiritually balanced version of you.
Me: Again. You both suck.
Benjamin: Why are you so worried, anyhow?
Poppy: She thinks she’ll get her ass kicked if she went to a party she planned, uninvited. And since her so called friends aren’t speaking to her anymore, she’s nervous.
Benjamin: That’s it?
Me: NO!
Benjamin: Well, what else are you nervous about?
Me: [Blush.] Uh… well… you see…
Poppy: She thinks she knows the reason behind this whole thing.
Benjamin: Well, what is it?
Me: [Mumbles something incoherent]
Benjamin: What?
Poppy: She said something about another guy not being invited. I’m guessing this is all just a big misunderstanding, over a guy?
Me: [Nods.]
Benjamin: You’re that nervous? Well… You do know they aren’t going to hurt you over something like that, right?
Me: I’m not sure anymore. I just wanna make it till Friday.
Benjamin: Don’t worry, you will.
Poppy: …Yeah, you’ll just be missing a couple of limbs, but otherwise, OK!
Me: Shut up!
…This sucks.
-Poppy
- Location:Home
- Mood:melancholy
 - Music:None
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My little dilema has exploded to an all out war. It's not just me. Whoever is screwing with John, Anne, Beth, and Rick better watch their backs. D:< (For the record, these are aliases and so they are not the real names of my friends.)
No one makes my babies cry. ):<
It's one thing if it just involves me, (I know for a fact I may be a bitch sometimes and I am sorry to anyone whose feelings I have hurt. It's not intentional, just... me) but as soon as people from my same group are being harrassed, it's on.
I don't know who you think you are, but you're going down since you made my babies cry. D:<
THIS. MEANS. WAR.
-Poppy - Location:LACC
- Mood:aggravated
 - Music:Hinder's, "How Long"
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I am currently at a loss at the moment, because it seems I can't separate my friends from my enemies. I mean really? Am I bitch?
Do you guys just don't like me?
WHAT IS IT THAT I AM DOING WRONG? I'm on the verge of snapping, people. I'm tired of this happening. Tell me what it is that I am doing wrong so that I can fix it. I don't really think that it's the fact the I'm a pushover. Really. If it was, please, please! tell me you guys really. I swear, I'll try to change. (It's kinda sad though, how people tell me not to change, yet here I am, asking the same people what to change.) Work with me people. Help is a two way street. I can't change what I don't know. Please. ♦---------♥---------♦ On a lighter note, I've hopelessly fallen in love with Andrea Bocelli's voice. I mean... The song, "Time to Say Goodbye" is just... just... [Melt.] Man, that man is just dreamy to me. I have a soft spot for that kind of voice. No, the song! If any man were to ever... EVER sing that song to me,(on Christmas, or my Birthday) they would probably swoon me. Quite. I mean, look! [ Andrea Bocelli's - "Time to Say Goodbye"] -Poppy Mare - Location:Home Base
- Mood:anxious
 - Music:Andrea Bocelli "Time to Say Goodbye"
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| Main Entry: | philophobia | | Part of Speech: | n | | Definition: | a fear of love, falling in love | | Etymology: | Greek philos 'loving' |
During my years in John Marshall high school, I have noticed how teens and adults ruin themselves with the notion of love. - One is obssessed.
- Another is crazed.
- The third is depressed.
- And the fourth is just... just... gone.
I'm starting to believe that I may be philophobic. But the thing is I like guys. I find some cute, fewer hot, and even have a crush. So then, how am I philophobic? Simple. Chances are I will never allow myself to really open up to anyone, shut them out once they are too close, and move on to the next person who just likes me (like that'll ever happen). I cannot see myself being lovey dovey with a person. I doubt anyone will take me for who I am. Basically, I'm sure I'll die a virgin. Which is sad, considering the fact that I am hopelessly in love with writing romance. (Did you know, what I write, is basically what I want for a guy to do for me?) So yeah. Aside from being a writer, I'll also be that one old lady living down the block with cats. =3 Sad. [Sigh.] I can't wait for my future. -Poppy - Location:Home Base
- Mood:amused
 - Music:Sonata Arctica - "Replica"
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Imagine being alone to the point where your imaginary friend is a ghost. I'm not trying to say anything with this little poem I found, but it makes me wonder, that maybe there is someone, somewhere, out there who will come to me in my dreams and sing and talk to me. Whatever happened to those days when men bowed before a girl and asked to dance with them? What happened to the days when kiss meant a lot more than sex?
What happened to friends, love, and companionship? I wonder...
Just... just read it and think about those days. Think about those imaginary boys who claim to love oh so much. The ghosts of our imaginations are simply taking us out of our bodies to mingle and play and discover.
Did you know sometimes it frightens me when you say my name and I can't see you will you ever learn to materialize before you speak impetuous boy, if that's what you really are how many centuries since you've climbed a balcony or do you do this every night with someone else you tell me that you never leave and I am almost afraid to believe it why is it me you've chosen to follow did you like the way I look when I am sleeping was my hair more fun to tangle are my dreams more entertaining do you laugh when I'm complaining that I'm all alone where were you when I searched the sea for a friend to talk to me in a year where will you be is it enough for you to steal into my mind filling up my page with music written in my hand you know I'll take the credit for I must have made you come to me somehow but please try to close the curtains when you leave at night or I'll have to find someone to stay and warm me will you always attend my midnight tea parties as long as I set your place if one day your sugar sits untouched will you have gone forever would you miss me in a thousand years when you will dry another's tears but you say you'll never leave me and I wonder if you'll have the decency to pass through my wall to the next room while I dress for dinner but when I'm stuck in conversation with stuffed shirts whose adoration hurts my ears, where are you then can't you cut in when I dance with other men it's too late not to interfere with my life you've already made me a most unsuitable wife for any man who wants to be the first his bride has slept with and you can't just fly into people's bedrooms then expect them to calmly wave goodbye you've changed the course of history and didn't even try where are you now standing behind me taking my hand come and remind me who you are have you traveled far are you made of stardust too are the angels after you tell me what I am to do but until then I'll save your side of the bed just come and sing me to sleep -Poppy - Location:Home Base
- Mood:curious
 - Music:Andrea Bocelli "E lucevan le stelle"
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Me: Hey.
Poppy: Ugh, can't you see I'm thinking? You really need to learn how to be more polite, or you'll smacked around like before.
Me: I've never been smacked around! D: Poppy: [Shakes head.] And you wonder why people were the way they were. What do you want anyways, coming in here like you need something from me? You do know I don't really exist, right? That I'm just a figment of your imagination?
Me: Nice to know that when I need help, I could count on you, bitch.
Poppy: Bite me. What do you want?
Me: Where did you store my aggression? I need it for a class and also, there's this girl whose come to bother me. I don't want to use it too much, so just show me where it is and I'll be on my way-
Poppy: You're not getting it. [Goes back to thinking about life and such.]
Me: Aw, c'mon! D: It won't be much, just enough to-
Poppy: Nope. [Leans back and relaxes a bit.]
Me: Okay, how about if I use it ONLY for the midterm?
Poppy: Nope. You're too soft to handle anyways. If I gave it to you, we'd die. You're just not that. Now, go away and let me ponder my Passage Key necklace. I need to think about the way my world will mold to it.
Me: D: ...[Shuffles away, defeated by herself.]
...And that's the story of my life.
-Poppy/TSM
- Location:Home
- Mood:depressed
 - Music:None
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Dear Self, I'm listening to "It's my life by Bon Jovi while writing tonight. Mostly because if I die while doing anything, I want this song to play at my funeral. That, and I want to be buried with an album that contains this song. If they can't do that, then I want to be cremated. Burn me! Now why did I start this thing with something like that? Dammit. But anyways, whenever I listen to this song, I think about Hughes (a character from FMA) and I can't help but wish that I somehow died like that. Not while looking at a loved one's face, but why he had died. To help. Dude, I feel like crying whenever I think about that episode. But there's a reason as to why I'm writing this. Bon Jovi, Hughes, death. It's because that's how I want to live my life. With me, I don't want to live just to be a writer. I want to live in a way that when I die, there'll be someone that'll care enough to think of me everyday. Corny, I know, but I can't help it. I want to be sorta like Steve Irving, when he died so many - MANY - people were inspired by him. People remember him in a positive way. That's now I want to be like. Of course, living isn't so bad. But life is a temporary thing. Death is forever. -Poppy - Location:Home
- Mood:aggravated
 - Music:Bon Jovi's, "It's My Life"
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Okay, so I'm sitting here, with nothing to do with me life. I'm trapped between two Judo guys who can probably kill me and make it look like an accident. But I'm still alive, so har.
Anyways, a thought just came into my mind. I like hugs. No, scratch that. I LOVE hugs, dammit. I guess the main reason I pretend to hate it, is because I'm not really used to it. ;-; I didn't get enough hugs as a child, dammit.
[Whine, whine.]
But yeah, I just hugged a friend of mine, not too long ago, and let me tell you, it was amazing. I wasn't feeling too good and the hug just really hit the spot.
And it was with a girl, so it wasn't because I was with a guy I liked. Nope. Nice girl to girl action. And we talked about the past and shit, so it was all nice. =)
Also, I sorta wished she stayed a while and talked about Nicolei. I really need some flashback city time. I mean, I love my current friends and all that, but Nicolei was a friend who I didn't talk to at all, and I just knew what was on her mind. And I didn't have to tell her what was on my mind. She would just pat my back and ask me in a hushed voice, "Suzy, what's wrong?" And that was it.
I miss her! DX
-Poppy - Location:LACC
- Mood:spiritual
 - Music:None at the time.
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I have a friend in college. I rather not name anyone, but I feel like I must get this load off of my chest. Why? Why are you flirting with the guy I like, in front me? Knowing I like him, no less.
I tried everything. I tried reasoning in my head. Maybe you broke up with your boyfriend, maybe I did something wrong and I deserved it. Maybe I was just over reacting.
But really? I checked all of these factors, all of the possible loopholes and what do I get? What answer comes to me?
You're doing this to spite me. To remind me that I can't just get what I want.
You want me depressed.
Why? I want to know what I did wrong to deserve this. Don't you care anymore? At all?
Are you just reverting back to that girl who wanted me to be miserable?
I don't know anything, anymore.
-Poppy Mare | |
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I cried today.
I fucking cried today. And in front of someone I'd rather not cry in front of.
God, I just wanna jerk my eyes out and yell at them for betraying me like this. This is going to be one of those I will kinda regret. And guess what I cried about?
Over a girl who just so happened to be nice to me in elementary school. On my birthday.
Now I feel like a crybaby, and it just freaking hurts to think that of myself.
Did you know I haven't emotionally cried SINCE fifth grade? That's like, over five years. .___., My five year-ish of no crying - broken!
I feel like shit.
All I know, is that I'll probably won't be able to look at the person (I cried in front of) in the eyes anymore. Not because I'm embarrassed, or anything. Because I feel like I failed that little promise to myself.
This just isn't my week.
And! To top it all off, (They) called. Like (They) haven't made my life miserable enough. Now I have to go and risk my ass to stop a certain someone.
I'm tired of all this running.
I'm tired of all this drama.
I'm tired of having to fight. To having be yelled at, hit, punch, kneed at.
I'm tired of it all.
If anything. Something is going to happen soon. I know it, because I know the signs.
So I'm going to have to sit and wait and hopefully survive.
That's it for now.
-Poppy
- Location:Home Base
- Mood:aggravated
 - Music:Bon Jovi's, "It's My Life"
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